Sunday, December 1, 2013

The real victims

If you've been looking at online "news" in the last few days you may have seen David Beckham's latest publicity stunt I mean Shocking Confession:

I Diddled Myself In front of My Teammates

Beckham claims he was the victim of a "bizarre hazing ritual" in which he was forced to have a wank in front of his teammates while looking at a photo of a famous Welsh soccer player named Clayton Blackmore.

Oh the humanity!

But what about the REAL victims in this incident: the young men who WERE FORCED TO WATCH DAVID BECKHAM MASTURBATE?!? Is anyone talking about them?

If you know me you know that I am a selfless humanitarian.

I will be sending out a press release letting the world know that if there is ever a situation in which ANYONE - anywhere in the world and at any time, day or night, is going to be forced to watch Mr. Beckham jerk off, I am willing to "take the bullet" and be the silent witness to this atrocity.

OK: maybe not totally silent. I could see myself throwing in a few comments like "Yeah, come on buddy - stroke that hot uncut meat" or "Oh - that's right man - looks like you're close - where you gonna shoot that big hot load - you gonna give it to me on my hard, hairy cock?" just to move things along so I don't have to be subjected to the bizarre indignity of David Beckham thrusting his veiny, uncut meat in my face in an animalistic erotic frenzy and ejaculating all over me for any longer than, say, six or seven hours.

And if I had to play with his sensitive, furry nuts, or even give him a prostate massage? Even then, my friends, yes: even then - I will not shirk my duty to humanity or walk away.

Anybody want to join me?


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